If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
3pm strippers are depressing
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
