Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
