Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
