my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
