Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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