i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
