Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
