6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
