i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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