3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
