A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
