I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
