i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
