I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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