Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
