My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
