i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
