i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
