So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
