Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
