he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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