Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
