Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
