Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
