I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
