he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Duck Duck Cougar?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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