dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
