i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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