We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
