can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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