What did we do last night that was yellow?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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