Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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