I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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