ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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