why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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