so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
