Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
