mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
