I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
