I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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