We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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