My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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