he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
