I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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