Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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