3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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