I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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