just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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