he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
