Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
