hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
